Telling It Like It Is

I’m not one to fake it. So to speak. I guess I am not one to always show my best side and act online like all is well in the world of Sarah. That shit’s for Facebook — where I more than likely share memes and check-ins than actual life events or even pictures. Here on this blog, I am unabashedly myself and I have a confession.

I am not only afraid of going back to work, I don’t like it. Even though I am choosing to be childfree, I always wondered what it would be like to be a domestic engineer. Well, always as in the last three years that I haven’t been at work.

Things I don’t mind about working:

  1. Making money
  2. Being on time
  3. Working with people
  4. Putting in overtime
  5. Doing my best

Things I do mind:

  1. Not making enough money
  2. Having a job I truly dislike
  3. Bosses who micromanage
  4. Having my work critiqued
  5. Interviews
  6. Being the new kid on the block

I think there are a lot of people who can agree with me on these points so I know I am not alone.

Besides this: I have a new plan (are we really shocked?) and that is to go to work while I do 911 Telecommunicator Academy. I think I’d rock being a 911 dispatcher/call taker/operator/whatever they call it in your neck of the woods. It’s not 85+ grand a year, but it’s decent (33k – 66k) and not as many hours per week as the previous idea. Where I will work for now is hopefully Best Buy… I love gadgets. I just need to redo my app because the assessment didn’t work right.

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Because it Would be Our Little Oops

Allen and I decided on the 17th that yesterday would be a great day to… well I don’t want to call it making love because that just sounds corny to me, but it was more than just a little harmless sex. Whatever. We decided to do it. I know, I know. I am always so classy.

Well as we were in the car headed to Tropical Smoothie, I brought up that since we were making such a decision that we should have “the talk”. I know, I am so mature I get beside myself sometimes. & you know the talk, the one about “What if Sarah gets knocked up?”

He was very open to this talk which I’m not all too surprised because he is a pretty open guy, we have discussed and will continue to discuss many things. For that, I have no doubt. But what I was surprised at is that we came to the decision that if this were to happen by chance, we would keep the child.

If you’re not up to date, we want to stay childfree.

I am, I am truly a bit taken aback that he would want that if it happened. We plan on being very smart and careful, but you never know. Never say never. I learned that all too well.

He had asked me, “Would you get an abortion?” and I said I didn’t know, but in my heart I know I couldn’t make that choice. He came back with saying he thought something like that (abortions) should really only be done if it was a rape baby or incest. I think it’s a personal choice, but it’s just not my choice.

It just feels really good to know that if we got ourselves in that predicament, he wouldn’t run off or try to force me to do away with the child.

 

Conspiracy Theories, Like the Bible, Make Me ill

So I have come upon a new discovery. Conspiracy theories bring on headaches and stomach upset when I hear about them, and even when I am researching (Googling) sites to debunk them.

I don’t like CTs or PCTs (Paranoid Conspiracy Theorists) and unabashedly I am going to admit, I dislike the stories in the Bible. And that should be OK because I Love Love Love Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations and I know there are people out there, like my mom, who cannot stand the story. Or the author for that matter.

I think it just goes against my grain and that’s why I get these physical symptoms. And I wouldn’t like to believe I am close-minded, I don’t think anyone wants to think that of themselves, but when things don’t seem logical, I don’t like them.

But I am not saying the Bible is not logical, as not all stories were to be literal in those days, they told fables to teach lessons and guide a way of life so to me the Bible is just that. Jonah wasn’t really swallowed by a whale, sorry to burst any bubbles.

The conspiracy theory that I’m looking to debunk with my sister (who believes it) is about this New World Order Illuminati *bullshit*.

devil horns with one eye covered.

devil horns with one eye covered.

That’s the one and only example I will give, but apparently all the stars have thrown different symbols out that represent this secret society of devil worshippers who want to overthrow how the government works… or something. As I said, this shit gives me a headache so I am only going by what I have been told. From PCTs. It’s even been “proven” that political parties are involved like former President George W. Bush.

Now I am not saying every Conspiracy Theory is false and can’t possibly be based on any truth (or am I?), but some of them seem a little sheisty — or a lot sheisty — to me.

It seems the middle class blames the rich and the rich blame the poor. Because only the rich like stars such as Beyonce, Jay-Z, Lady Gaga, etc. and high politicians and financial backers and the like are being accused of such treachery. 

These devil horns have always been a sign to rock on. You throw them up in concerts and shit, but what the fuck do I know?

I Didn’t Want For This

If you were to have told me about 12 years ago, “Sarah, when you’re 28, you’re going to be applying to a grocery store to pursue a career track to become an assistant manager.” I would have either A.) punched you in your nose or B.) told you that you must be outta your ever-loving mind.

But that’s where I am at.

Unfortunately in today’s society having money trumps having dreams if you’d like to keep a roof over your head, clothes on your back and for me, car payments in check.

Yes, it will be work, if and when I do make assistant manager I will be making an average salary of 85+ grand a year not including bonuses. I will also probably be putting in 75+ hours a week on work.

But who knows, I have always wanted to be a business woman and this company pays for all the schooling. Maybe I’ll be more than an Assistant manager, maybe I can be a CEO one day. I didn’t want for this, but I always wanted a high-paying career so why not?

I’m a bitch & don’t mind admitting when I am wrong

I pissed Allen off yesterday. And yeah, it was my fault. I texted him at 11:30pm asking if he was OK as I hadn’t heard from him and figured he was home by then since his flight got in at 8:46pm. He said he was fine and asked if I was OK. We started chatting a bit until he asked,

Gotta ask, why did you ask if I was OK?

I’m your girlfriend you “Gotta” ask me that? So I told him it was because I hadn’t heard from him and I even put an lol on it for light hearted-ness. He mentioned being on a plane unable to use his phone so the little bitch in me began to come out and I “innocently” asked,

You were on the plane when I texted you?

He told me no, but he was tired and greeted the dogs. So I was annoyed not because he didn’t text me, but because he seemed like he was bothered by my inquiry to his well-being. As if I were being some needy domineering girlfriend. So I did something so true to my character and said,

Sorry to have showed concern for your welfare, I’ll try to keep it in check from now on.

That tipped him. We argued a little from there until he stopped texting all together. I don’t like not settling shit so I am a little pissed about that.

Both Alice and my mom asked why I do shit like that, and I honestly don’t know. I guess it’s because I speak my mind. You upset me and I am going to let you know it and you may or may not like the way I show you that you’ve upset me. I’m not one to sugarcoat anything especially when I am pissed.

I texted him an apology 20 minutes later. It’s 9:07am the following morning and I still have yet to hear from him. I don’t play silent treatments. This is probably going to get all the more interesting.

 

 

Just Because My Uterus Can (possibly) House a Baby Doesn’t Mean it Has to.

I was reading an article on Huffpost about Zooey Deschanel choosing to be childfree. I don’t know why, but I always take a little peek at the comments. The reason I don’t know why is because most of the people who have something to say aren’t very smart. I don’t know why that is, but I’ve always noticed it when it came to reading online articles. I kinda miss the print versions. Newspapers I think they might have been called?

I digress. The first commenter was all excited because she too has chosen the lifestyle. Though she mentioned how people always made her feel like there was something wrong with her. Enter Joe Schmoe who had this to say:

“It is definitely unusual, from a species point of view. I mean, that is literally what breasts and a uterus evolved for, lol. There are genetic factors that make people want to have kids, that is why there are so many people! It isn’t like it is nonsensical for people to wonder about why you are different.”

That’s all well and good, but of course I have issue with it. Some people can’t procreate. They have a low sperm count, faulty organs, bad eggs. Explain that. And in my mind, if that can happen, the “genetic factors” that we are talking here, how do we know some people just aren’t born without them? Maybe it’s not as genetic or factored in as much as the breeders would like to believe.

And I hate to throw religion in on this, but God gave free will. That means we have a choice in everything. Every choice has a consequence, but we are allotted to choose. So in my mind, again (it’s my blog after all), why is it that childfree people have to be “different” from people who choose to parent? It is nonsensical for people to wonder why someone is so different from them because we all have choices.

Why did Becca choose to post something that I found a little offensive? Because she wanted to share her belief on that subject. Why does she believe that way? Because to her a baby is precious the moment it is conceived. Why am I pro-choice? Because I am a thorough believer in “Not my uterus, not my life, not my choice I have to live with therefore not my business or decision.”

What is nonsensical is to believe someone should do as you do, be as you are, live as you live, understand everything you understand, and see things exactly as you see them. A lot of parents are like that, trying to instill their ideals and value systems into their kids. Some parents can be quite fanatical about it. That’s when the child usually rebels and then the parent’s sitting there wondering why.

What should be is acceptance, respect, unconditional love and patience.

It’s not different to not want to have children. If everyone who could parent on this planet had one child, we’d be in a bit of trouble. I look forward to the day where I can freely tell someone I am choosing not to parent and not have to lie and say it’s because I can’t. Because no matter what the circumstance, it will always be because I won’t.